The Power of the American Language, Part I

"Can you buy me a cup of coffee?" That's what the guy leaning on the iron railing outside Arrghbucks asked me as I stumbled over to the entrance for my morning wake-up juice. It was too early to have decided on a mood -- having not yet worked up enough cynicism for the new day -- so I, feeling plucky, shrugged, "Sure..." He caught me off-balance, too half-asleep to avert looking into his pleading eyes.

For a brief moment I thought about asking him what kind of coffee he wanted, the Italian roast or the house blend, but I thought it'd sound kinda jerky and passive-aggressive, so I shut my mouth. Just get the cup of coffee. Well, Pleading Eyes followed me into the store and tugged at me in line, then said, "Umm, would you be in a place where you could buy me a Chai Latte?"

That woke me up pretty good. I realized I was being had by a professional. Talk about salemanship, there's no handsome reply, no way to look good or get out ahead with such a talented upseller. It was a command performance. "Am I in a place where I can buy him a Chai Latte?" the thought rolled through my mind, picking up steam, perilously, then got itself stuck somewhere between my brain and a hard place. "No," I thought. "No, I am not in a place where I can buy you a Chai Latte." But that's not what I said. The truth was I was in a place where I could buy him a Chai Latte. There I was at Aarghbucks with the rest of the morning caffiends. This guy was good; he didn't have me figuratively, I wasn't in a metaffordical place to buy his drink, but I couldn't admit it. No, he had me literally. "Yeah. Sure," I said, defeated.

I saw my better later outside the library holding up a cardboard sign asking for donations for his run for city council. I was awake by then, so didn't give anything when I walked by. He didn't seem to remember me, but I'm going to vote for him anyway. He was in a real good mood. Guys like that can do great things for a city.

My doppio macchiato = $2.25

Pleading Eyes Chai Latte = $3.86

American language lessons = priceless